Language Options:



 Irsyad al Fatwa 4



Assalamualaikum ustaz. I’m a 24 years old maiden who is working. Currently, I am in a relationship with my boyfriend but our relationship is opposed by both our families especially the family of my boyfriend.

For your information, me and my boyfriend are cousins, where my father and his father are brothers. We plan to get married. At first, both our families give their blessings. However, everything changes when his family come to meet my father. I don’t know what happened but from what my father told me, they blamed me.

Recently, I learn that my boyfriend’s family went to see a shaman to make my boyfriend forget about me and go back to his ex-wife. I was disappointed with their action because my parents would never do such things even if they oppose my marriage. Our intentions are pure. We just want to get married.

Before all of this happened, my boyfriend was determined to maintain our relationship and to eventually get married, but now he is indifferent about me. The change is too drastic since he is not this type of guy.

Please help me, I’m perplexed with our situation right now and am really suffering from his attitude change towards me. He even said that he dislikes being with me when this has never happened before. He used to enjoy spending most of his time with me but right now I have to ask for his permission to spend time with me. Sometimes, he would even get angry at me for disturbing his life.


Alhamdulillah, praise and thanks to Allah for the countless blessings He has blessed us all with. Blessings and salutations to the Prophet Muhammad PBUH, his wives, his family, companions and all those that follow his teachings to the day of judgement.

I will divide the answer into several points:

  • You should truly understand the ethics of relationship between opposite genders in Islam. The reason is, Islam has set limitations on relationships of individuals of opposite genders. Among them is that they are prohibited from being alone together for it will lead to the whispers of shaytan. The same with the commandment of covering the aurah and maintaining and following the manners and ethics of Islam.
  • Believe and trust that our lives are in accordance with the will of Allah SWT. Hence, being grateful when receiving blessings and patient when faced by trials and tribulations are the clothing of a true believer. Belief here, does not only mean words uttered on one’s tongue but true belief in one’s heart supported by the fate of God. Thus, surely, we will have contentment in our hearts.
  • All assumptions should be avoided from our hearts, and this is what is prioritized as the principles of every Muslim. This is important for only having good thoughts of others leads to the pinnacle of calmness.
  • Believing that creations could affect or change something is impermissible in tawhid and this is included as shirk. The reason is, believing that a creation has the power and ta’thir (effect) contradicts the concept of true tawhid. The same with or iqrar and remembrance with hauqalah (لاَ حَوْلَ وَلاَ قُوَّةَ إِلاَّ بِاللهِ العَلِيِّ العَظِيْم).
  • The attributes and character of a true Muslim is to always believe and trust as well as supplicating in one-third of the night is the characteristics of those whom is loved by Allah SWT. Increasing our night prayers will bring calmness in our hearts and help from God. The same for all our hardships and sufferings, they will be resolved.
  • Obeying one’s parents is an obligation that should be upheld for blessings are for those who obey Allah SWT. The blessings of parents will lead to the blessings of Allah SWT. This is stated by the Prophet PBUH:

رِضَا اللهِ فِي رِضَا الوَالِدَيْنِ

"The pleasure of the Lord lies in the pleasure of the parent.”

Sunan al-Tirmizi (1899). Evaluated as sahih by Ibn Hibban and al-Hakim (7249)

  • Taking care of and respecting the elders of one’s family such as an uncle is included as maintaining silaturrahim. Allah SWT state:

وَٱتَّقُوا ٱللَّهَ ٱلَّذِى تَسَآءَلُونَ بِهِۦ وَٱلْأَرْحَامَ ۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ كَانَ عَلَيْكُمْ رَقِيبًا

“And fear Allah, through whom you ask one another, and the wombs. Indeed, Allah is ever, over you, an Observer.”

Surah al-Nisa’ (1)

Lastly, I pray that your problem will get resolved soon.