What is the ruling if I hug and kiss my wife during her menstruation? We were both wearing pants and there is some grinding between our private areas. What is the ruling for this? Jazakallah, and thank for answering.
Alhamdulillah, praise and thanks to Allah for the many countless blessings He has blessed us all with. Blessings and salutations to the Prophet Muhammad PBUH, his family, companions and all those that follow his teachings to the day of judgement.
Quranic and Prophetic Evidence
Allah SWT states in the Quran:
وَيَسْأَلُونَكَ عَنِ الْمَحِيضِ ۖ قُلْ هُوَ أَذًى فَاعْتَزِلُوا النِّسَاءَ فِي الْمَحِيضِ ۖ وَلَا تَقْرَبُوهُنَّ حَتَّىٰ يَطْهُرْنَ ۖ فَإِذَا تَطَهَّرْنَ فَأْتُوهُنَّ مِنْ حَيْثُ أَمَرَكُمُ اللَّهُ ۚ إِنَّ اللَّهَ يُحِبُّ التَّوَّابِينَ وَيُحِبُّ الْمُتَطَهِّرِينَ
“And they ask you about menstruation. Say, "It is harm, so keep away from wives during menstruation. And do not approach them until they are pure. And when they have purified themselves, then come to them from where Allah has ordained for you. Indeed, Allah loves those who are constantly repentant and loves those who purify themselves."
Surah al-Baqarah (222)
From Aisyah RA:
وَكَانَ يَأْمُرُنِي، فَأَتَّزِرُ، فَيُبَاشِرُنِي وَأَنَا حَائِضٌ
“When I was menstruating, the Prophet PBUH would order me to wrap myself up (with an Izar, which is a dress worn below the waist) and would start fondling me.”
Sahih al-Bukhari (300)
Scholars’ Opinion Regarding Mubasyarah and Istimta’ During Wife’s Menstruation
Syafi’eyyah scholars agreed that it is prohibited for a man to have intercourse with his wife during her menstruation and mubasyarah (being intimate) with lust without any layer in between them, such as pants, cloth, or others. They also agreed that looking without lust at the body parts of wife or husband between the navel and knees is permissible.
However, they have differing opinions in the following matters:
- According to Imam al-Ramli, it is permissible for a wife to be intimate without any layer in between her and her husband between the navel and knees, while it is prohibited in Imam Ibnu Hajar al-Haitami’s opinion.
- Syeikh al-Islam Zakariyya al-Ansari and Ibn Hajar al-Haitami states that it is only prohibited to be intimate without any layers in between a husband and a wife. Thus, looking between the navel and knees is permissible for husband and wife but touching even without lust is prohibited.
- Imam Nawawi in Raudhah al-Talibin, Syeikh Ibn Ruslan in Matn Zubad, and another opinion by Ibn Hajar al-Haitami in his book Tuhfah al-Muhtaj, Imam al-Ramli and Imam al-Khatib al-Syarbini hold the opinion that istimta’ (enjoyment) is prohibited. Thus, it is prohibited to look with lust, but not prohibited to touch without lust.
- Imam al-Nawawi inclined towards the opinion of Imam Ahmad, which is stated in al-Majmu’, for the evidence presented is stronger. The opinion states that the prohibition is only for intercourse, and other than that is not prohibited. This is also the opinion of Imam al-Auzai’e, Imam Mujahid, Imam Ishaq bin Rahawaih, Imam Abu Thur, Imam Muhammad bin al-Hasan, Imam al-Sya`bi, Imam Abu Ishaq al-Marwazi, Imam al-Nakhai’e, Imam Ibn al-Munzir, Imam Daud al-Zahiri, Imam Asbagh al-Maliki, Imam al-Mawardi and Imam al-Ruyani. However, Imam al-Nawawi sets a condition that being intimate with lust with the exception of intercourse is only for the people of taqwa that can refrain himself from intercourse. If he is weak and lustful, then it is prohibited for him to be intimate with his wife without any layer in between them.
Refer al-Taqrirat al-Sadidah (1/175-176) by Syeikh Hasan bin Ahmad bin Muhammad al-Kaf Hafizahullah.
After analysing the above discussion, we would like to state that your actions with your wife is permissible, for there is a separation between the two of you, where both of you are wearing pants even if it is done with lust.
May Allah SWT give us strength to protect and maintain our taqwa.